Ins and Outs of First Contact - Part 4

Take what online dating has to offer with a smile---there are so many avenues and possibilities. You can if you do things right meet Mr. Right---a man with whom you feel a connection, there is chemistry, and you have lots in common.

A great fulfilling romance is one for life’s purest joys. When you meet a partner with whom you can share values, attitudes, love, as well as grief you would have found your dream.

To achieve this you must have a sense of purpose. Be ready to have fun and head in the “right” direction. Take dating slowly—those who date for two years before marrying have successful marriages as they have worked all the kinks out and are sure where they are headed. The saying “haste makes waste” applies to dating.

Have a realistic expectation. There are no such things like Prince Charming or Sir Galahad –men are men and have good traits as well as bad ones. Try and strike a balance. Find a man who cares and is understanding but don’t expect him to give up “buddy nights” or fishing because you are now a part of his life.

The “key” is look forward to: sharing a few interests and to having separate ones.

Be responsible and address any serious issues right in the beginning. Problems like alcoholism, drug dependency, temper tantrums, smoking, emotional dysfunctions, or physical abuse never resolve later.

Date with your eye open—be aware of the plus as well as minus points. Don’t rush into passionate relationships. Listen to your mind and heart.

Just follow the unwritten rules of online etiquette and enjoy yoursel.

Ins and Outs of First Contact - Part 3

Always Remember To:

Choose a creative user name. This will ensure that men searching through profiles will pause, be intrigued, and want to know more. You must be different stand out from the hundreds of profiles.

Coin a flirty headline. It should pack a punch and yet be short and sweet. You will never capture a man’s attention if you just select one from the many samples posted online. Try not being aggressive or bossy or simpering –witty works.

Men are visual creatures and are mostly attracted by appearance. Be sure to post a flattering photo.

Respond to e-mails with care. Avoid writing a novel—men have short attention spans. So, answer questions, be witty, ask a few questions—make it short and sweet not a saga.

Write responses to everyone. That way you will meet many more possible suitors. Your response percentage should be at least 80%.

Navigate successfully by:

Staying happy, confident, and positive while e-mailing or IM ing men. Don’t overwhelm the other person by coming on too strong—keep it light and friendly. Be sure to pace yourself.

Use the photos posted to make an opinion of a man—there is a saying that a picture can speak a thousand words. Read up on how to look at pictures and read character.

Never rush things along—control the pace of the online relationship, never hurry and make plans to meet before you know ‘enough’ about a person.

Before meeting take another step of caution, speak on the phone at least 2-3 times. Women can make suggestions too! Don’t speak from a personal phone or mobile use the safe services provided by dating services.

Listen to your heart—if you get negative thoughts or bad vibes then end the contact.

When you are ready to meet in person do so in a public place—make it a four some it is safer.

Ins and Outs of First Contact - Part 2

An advantage to you is that you can ignore or delete e-mails that you are just not interested in. You do not have to undergo the agony of saying “sorry no.” And since you “meet” possible suitors from behind a computer you are able to overcome fears as well as shyness.

Unlike dates where you meet one to one, a dating site allows you to look through hundreds of profiles without any pressures. There are innovations on a few sites—you can send emoticons, virtual flowers, and more to possible daters showing that you are interested. You can send winks, smiles, as well as virtual flowers to show interest. You can make the initiate and contact a profile that interests you--- say I read your profile and found x, y, and z, interesting. Be sure to mention something about yourself and weave in factors about him that you found interesting. Weave in casual comments as well as humor. Never sound needy or desperate.

They offer online chats as well as forums where you can actually virtually meet men. At first you must just observe how these work, choose one with a subject that is of interest to you. Communicate naturally and honestly. Use a name that describes you but not your true identity. Converse casually and as though you are in conversation with someone. Be polite and respectful, if you are wrong about something be magnanimous and accept it. There is no harm in admitting that you don’t know something. Try not to bring up past relationships or experiences. Have fun and look forward to making new friends.

Having facilities from where you can both send e-mails and receive them without revealing personal details. This is a safety feature to protect you from unwanted suitors. Finally, they have systems where “daters” can speak to one another without revealing their locations or phone numbers. The site protects you at all times.

However, even while using an online dating site you must ensure your own safety. Never reveal personal details, workplace addresses, phone numbers, or bank account details, it is best if you don’t speak about where you shop, have lunch, or spend evenings.

You should only speak about these once you are confident about a man and have had the time to “check him out.”

Online dating sites can be rewarding, fun, exciting and a secure environment for meeting new people. But the most reliable safety measure that anyone can take or have is common sense; trust your basic instincts more than anything else.

Ins and Outs of First Contact - Part 1

So, you've found an online dating site that you are interested in. Now the adventure of online dating begins...

You might want to start by trying the quick searches and the matches the site sends. Don't forget to make use of the special services offered, like:

• Smart selection where you find a profile that interests you, then click on smart selection or show similar profiles button---the site will send you other profiles that are similar too the one you like. All you have to do is sit back and relax. Such facilities under different names are offered by most ‘top’ dating sites.

• One can do a “key word” search—use words that are of importance to you—fishing, writing, plays, acting, and so on. Use common interests to locate possible men.

• Search using specifics--fill in specific criteria like: age, height, location, body type, hair/eye color and so on. Then save these specifics and search using them as base line.

• Use “break the ice” option—when you spy a profile you like, click on “break the ice.” Pen a message that is in synchrony with your mood. The site will forward the message along with your profile for consideration. Apart from being databases of men and women seeking partners, sites take dating a step further by putting ‘filters’ in place to weed out unsuitable candidates. So, you can be reasonable sure about the profiles you are vetting.

Online sites allow you a chance to know a lot about possible suitors—you can ask questions about hobbies, career, education, family, relationships, political affiliation, religious beliefs, and more.

Many of them have a system by which they match profiles, and then mail suitable ones for your consideration. They also lend anonymity - you need not reveal personal details until you really want to or have to.

What You Should Know About Online Dating

There are a few things that a person has to know about online dating before one getting involved in it. Online dating may seem to be the simplest thing in the world but it is not. It should be viewed in all earnestness or things could go haywire. Every game has its rules and unless you know all the rules you just can’t become a good player and eventually a winner.

Take people. There are so many kinds around. Just look around you, how many people you know look the same? Sizes, builds, shapes, features, they are all so different. And that is just about the external appearances. And when it comes to character, it becomes a very different story altogether. Take a trip down memory lane, go back to your class rooms and take a look
around.

A classroom is one place where we get to interact with a lot of different people on a very close basis. We get to rub shoulders and corners with very different people and we get to know them on a one to one basis.

So how many of your classmates did you genuinely like? I don’t mean like them as classmates but as people. Was it easy to get along with all of them? That is why we often end up with best friends or clichés in classrooms.

We do not have to like every body. The tastes and interests of one person might match with ours while the tastes and interests of another person may be at complete loggerheads with ours.

So when it comes to dating, it is very much the same story. But over here there are some strings attached. Unlike in a classroom contact, most people go on dates with a more impressive purpose, and that is to find a life mate. There are a hundred and one things that should match before two people decide to spend the rest of their lives with each other.

Finding Yourself After Being Dumped

Have you been dumped recently? You may be feeling kind of lost.If you spend your days just walking around in a fog and nothing seems to go right you need to learn how to fix it, especially if you want to try to get your ex back. There are specific steps you can take to help you do this.

First, you need you back. If you want to try to get your ex back you will need to be confident and self assured. So, work through your pain and anger before contacting your ex. Otherwise they will feel they need to be on the defensive and you will do nothing more than alienate them further.

If you have been dumped it may take a while for the pain and anger to subside. Take as much time as you need to feel your feelings and deal with them as they surface. Then decide what it is you want and go for it. If what you want is to get your ex back then do it. Be careful though, like I said make sure you have you back and you are in a good frame of mind or else anything you try will not work and may even backfire.

when you are ready, call your ex on the phone and ask if they would like to meet you for coffee and a talk. If they are willing to meet you, you need to have planned out what you want to say. This isn't the time to fly by the seat of your pants. It's also important that you don't start off by asking them, or begging them, to get back together. Now is the time to try and reconnect and remind them how much fun the two of you used to have.

Hopefully by this point you have addressed the issues you had, or whatever it was that caused problems in your relationship in the past. If so, this meeting could be a great time to let your ex see these improvements with their own two eyes.

Of course, if the two of you are going to make things work for the long haul both of you will most likely need to assess your habits and attitudes and make some changes. Now isn't the time to worry about that though, the only person you can change is you. For now, let that be your focus. Than when the two of you get back togeher and you are trying to keep things strong you can work on other issues that may be driving a wedge between you and creating difficulty in your relationship.

There is always hope. No matter how much the two of you have been through you can still find a way to get back together and make things work out much better the second time. Even if you've been dumped there is still hope for a much better future.

For the best step-by-step plan to win an ex back that I've seen, click here.

Why Does Online Dating Keep Climbing Up the Popularity Poll?

It's simple really. The same reason that the internet has grown in popularity - it opens up a whole new world of communication and contact.

• Speed

Try to picture what used to happen earlier in the days when people had to depend on the good old postal system. During those days, a person had to wait for one or two days for a letter to get across to a person who lived in the same state itself. The second person in turn would take one or two days to respond and this letter would take on ortwo days to get back to the first person.

So in effect, a single correspondence would stretch over a week. But now it’s a totally different story. The time taken for the first letter and the response has been brought to an amazing 2 minutes! Waiting may make the heart grow fonder but e-mail makes two get close faster!

• Privacy

The Internet provides for absolute privacy too. One can carry out communication with another person in the absolute privacy of one’s bedroom or bathroom or wherever one chooses to be. There is no fear of eavesdropping (ugh) or over hearing (shudder!) thanks to e-mail and chat facilities.

• Options and Opportunities

The Internet provides for other options like voice chat or video conferencing and stops short only of the physical touch. But then who would want to start a relationship by touching right away? You can see a person, talk to a person, and listen to the person’s
voice; can you think of a better way to start a date?

• Economy

All this and more are possible thanks to the Internet and the best part is that all this comes to you for peanuts. All you need is a P.C (who doesn’t have one?) and an Internet Connection (how can anybody live without one) and you are all set. The only thing more you could ask for is a step-by-step guide to find your dream date…well here it is!

We all know that man is a social being. However man is also a lonely being. (And when we say man, we mean women too). Man longs for company. Company not just from friends and the family, but from that special person with whom he or she can share those sweet nothings, those simple pleasures and pains, someone with whom he or she can build a whole newlife, someone with whom he or she can raise a family of his or her own.

Now this is a fundamental need of man: to find a life mate. And the most popular method used for this is dating. When we talk about dating in the very finest sense of the word, please understand that dating is not to be viewed as a precursor for sleeping together. It is much more than that. It is the first step towards choosing a life partner and online dating has made the
whole process a lot simpler now.

What Makes Online Dating Different from Regular Dating?

Since the very beginning us humans have been choosing partners. Even so, the ways of going about choosing a mate is different according to your culture.

But the concept of finding a life partner with the help of the Internet is a fairly recent concept when compared with the history of mankind as such. Of course the Internet and computers have influenced man’s life so muchthat it is no surprise that in the matters of finding a suitable partner too, the Internet has made its presence felt.

Online dating is, to put is very simply or flatly, finding a partner with the help of a machine namely the computer via the Internet. That itself makes the idea and the process a very novel one indeed. Hundreds of happy people across the globe have been successful in finding suitable partners by the means of online dating.

But to be frank with you, a lot of not-so-lucky persons have been goofed and jilted by the same process. So in order to make sure that you find a place in the first list let us go into the details of Online dating.

Everything that applies to the Internet, applies to Online dating as well. The Internet as we know allows for unlimited possibilities in communication, and it is this feature that has proved to be at the same time the biggest boon, as well as bane for Online dating.

People can start from scratch and get to know everything about each other before the actual meeting takes place. Tastes and preferences, likes and dislikes, interests and obsessions can be discussed on a one to one basis so that when the meeting actually takes place these two people are not in the least strangers to each other. Wonderful, isn’t it?

But at the same time this possibility for unlimited communication leaves a lot of space for guile as well. The human race is endowed with a remarkable ability to use, misuse and abuse the same thing. And naturally, online dating too has been and is still being used for vile purposes.
The person who is misusing this facility may either be a practical joker or may be someone with more devious intentions who is out to get some victims. It is because of this reason that a little bit of homework is good before you actually hit the road.

3 Tips to Help Pull Your Ex Back

Finding the Man of Your Dreams

Doesn't every woman want the man of her dreams.? The fact is, you have to be practical when choosing your mate. If you’re looking for an absolute stud, with a big bank account and a 4-garage door mansion – you have to be sensible.

Learn about the art of giving and caring. Romance is not the superficial aspects of dating - flowers, gifts, romantic evenings, and wooing. It is about showing you care, small endearing gestures, deep understanding of even a glance, and a synchronization of minds as well as soul.

To be practical one must set goals/parameters Answer these questions:

“What kind of man do I want?”

"How do I perceive my future—do children play a role?”

“What does a relationship mean to me personally? Is it caring, friendship, passion, being physical or mental compatibility?”

What do you seek in a man? Is it, humor, loyalty, fairness, respect, warmth, intelligence, kindness, integrity, honesty, tenderness, pride, chivalry?

• What should the ideal man look like?

• Should he smoke and drink.

• What are 5 things I abhor in men?

• What are 5 things I find pleasing and attractive?
  

• Do I want a single man or will I accept one who has been in past relationships—divorced/widowed?

• What kind of profession should he be in?

Create a profile as a ready reference. Use this to compare profiles you read online with. Narrow down the choices. Be sure you know how to distinguish between Mr. Right and Mr. Wrong.

According to experts in dating:

• A man who drinks heavily, is loud and mannerless is definitely Mr. Wrong.

• A good man would be well mannered and considerate and limit his drinking. He would not brag about bar hopping, drinking buddies, or bouts. He would never drink and drive a date home.

• A less than perfect man is one who is selfish, self obsessed, spends all his time talking about himself, his work, personal experiences, how he is a stud -- a total braggart.

• A man who is serious about dating and wishes to further the meet will try and find out as much as he can about you. He will share important aspects of his life with you, and try and give insights into his likes/dislikes, hopes as well as aspirations.

• The wrong kind will flirt with other women while he sits with you, let his attention wander, speak about how he finds ‘x’ lovely or ‘y’ a turn on. He will brag about his conquests every chance he gets. Self-obsessed he will never think beyond himself.

• An ideal man will not flirt unless he knows you well, he will never pass lewd remakes, or make passes, or advertise his conquests.

• The wrong kind is flashy and will flaunt their money as well as wealth/position. If he is handsome and has a good physique he will be obsessed by it –constantly glance in mirrors, comb his locks, and wink at passers by and so on.

• A man who is just perfect will be interested in more than a physical relationship—he will try and understand what makes you tick and find out whether the two of you have any common grounds.

Watch out for men who:

• Lie to you.
• Pressure you to meet them immediately.
• Are persistent about finding out personal information but do not reveal anything about themselves.
• Do not give accurate information about their age, martial status, having children, profession and so on.
• Who do not want to speak on the phone.
• Become a nuisance and pester you to speed things up.

Try and strike a balance. However, do allow for a little flexibility. A man may not match all your requirements but even if he matches say 60% then you must try and get to know him better.

Broaden your base—this will offer you greater choice. But do not compromise on things like “no smoking”-- a man who has smoked and been independent for years together is not likely to give up his habits because you say so.

It is not tall, dark, and handsome you must look for its kindness, caring, and intelligence. Very often, if physical attributes receive more attention then what you are likely to get is a man looking for a fling and not willing to offer any commitments.

If you are clear in your mind “what you want” then everything else becomes relatively easy. Please have a realistic opinion of yourself—if you are approaching thirty and fighting the flab, have a sprinkling of grey hair you are not going to land a man who is dashing, drives a Ferrari, and looks like a Hollywood dream. Try and match what you are to the man ---seek compatibility.

Presenting - the REAL You!

You need to be able to show the "real you" to the online world. To do that, you must know yourself well…There should be no layers or hidden components. Wouldn’t you be upset if you read an online profile and met the individual who turned out to be very different from what their profile says? It happens all the time.

S0, if you are serious about dating and being successful you must desist from penning a fairy tale or living it. Fabricating incidents or stories is just not done. If you are really seeking to get close to a man then you will not be able to carry on living a lie however small forever.

Be honest with yourself—just as you are suspicious /wary of people so also men who are trying online dating. Contradictions are unnecessary and very negative. You will agree that “we are what we are” and cannot by using mere words turn into glamorous women or someone adventurous.

White lies and contradictions are guarantees of being dumped. Once a man realizes he cannot trust you he will steer clear. Not only that your reputation will spread like wildfire.

One thing that is crucial is that “we have to live with ourselves and be happy.” So, it is best to be with a man who accepts you for what you are and does not expect you to change. Never be afraid to say “I detest plays/or fancy clothes are not ME/ or I love balloon rides.”

Relationships only work when a man and woman live the life of two distinct individuals and yet share bonds, love, and common interests. There must be personal space and freedom in a relationship. Otherwise bitterness will creep in.

So, be yourself and seek a man who suits you best. He may not be drop dead handsome but may have a sense of humor, care about the little things in life, and appreciate you.

Sit down and ask yourself, “What am I seeking.” And, write down all that flows from your mind. Put the book away and after a day or two repeat the exercise -points that are common to both days are probably what are most important. Others will be the result of moods.

Take the time and make the effort of looking through profiles as well as experiences posted by other women. You will gain a fairly good idea of what works and what does not. I’m not suggesting that you copy someone else’s profile word for word, but you can get ideas of good phrases and the type of stuff they include.

Next, read through profiles posted by men and make a list of what appeals to you. Gain an understanding of what they’re looking for (apart from the obvious physical characteristics), and you will be able to include some aspects in your profile—be sure they pertain to who you are and not to an idea of you in your imagination. Don’t go over the top, though --if you say that you love sitting in front of the TV, watching all types of sport, whilst eating a ready meal with a few cans of beer, you’ll probably find a suitable man, but may not have a blissful life!

Avoid negativity or sounding doubtful---don’t start with “I’m surprised I’m doing this ….”, or “I’ve never done this before ….” You’re opening line is important, so don’t waste it on an excuse or an apology.

Be specific about your lifestyle and interests. Rather than listing hobbies give specific examples – I have trekked the Andes, or sailed through the keys, or put together a classic car in our garage with my brother. Specifics paint word pictures of the “true you.”

Don’t come across as a dreary, lonely woman. If your life is like that make an effort to change it by adopting some hobbies, going out with friends, traveling, and doing interesting things. Make a concerted effort to be a “new you.” Discover yourself—life is too short to be spent going to work and sitting at home.

Be positive, energetic, open minded, and a giver. Never be a doormat and allow people to push you around.

Make realistic goals. However don’t come across as pushy or seeking permanency like marriage. Allow a friendship/relationship to develop before thinking about marriage. Men are spooked at the thought of commitment and will turn tail and run like a trapped animal.

Do speak of past relationships but don’t let that be the most important aspect of your existence. Never compare the present to the past. Leave what is past behind, learn from it and move forward. Don’t make the mistake of comparing men—my ex husband loved steak, or my previous boyfriend was a great dancer is “ugly and sad.”

Let your story be a “happy one” be a woman who has savored life and is ready to share the joys.

Women - How to Make Your Profile Appealing

The key towards reaching success in online dating is to create an appealing profile. Your profile informs any dating prospects of your characteristics, what you’re looking for and what kinds of individual you are. Basic information includes: Appearance, interests, age, profession, hobbies, likes, dislikes, etc…This helps your online prospects make out your compatibility with each other. But remember, what really matters is your personal profile – it’s what sets you apart from a zillion others. You must take advantage of this and highlight the key elements of yourself.

List all of your passions, likes and dislikes in an interesting way. Give your readers an idea what you’re seeking, without making it sound too straight-forward. And before posting your profile, make sure to review your profile and get a friend or relative to read through it and get their honest opinion.

Most sites will ask for details of age, height, ethnicity, religion, eye color, hair color, occupation, education, smoking preference, favorite hobbies, a description of your personality, what you are looking for in a man, whether you are seeking a casual relationship, a friendship, a short-term fling, long term romance, or marriage, what is important to you in a man, your value system, beliefs, specific affiliations and more.

To be successful in love, the profile must present you in the best light and give would be suitors a glimpse or inkling of what makes you tick and how to win you over. Write as though you are in a conversation with someone. Imagine sitting across a table and telling a dashing, handsome man all about yourself.

A profile is generally of 200-250 words. Write around 150- 200 words about yourself and around 50-100 words can be devoted to describing the kind of person you are looking for.

Remember to Include:

Personal details - Where you live, whether you are open to changing your place of residence, where you have traveled and so on.

Discuss your profession – Career history as well as future plans.

Speak about past experiences and relationships. Talk about children if you have them. Be sure to mention whether you are hoping to have children or do not want any.

Tell the truth - In case you have any serious health problem be sure to write about it. People rarely like surprises.

Your personal background - One should also mention any religious or political affiliations that you may have.

The type of relationship you’d like - Mention what kind of relationship you are looking for—long term or short term.

Other important tips:

• Be honest and truthful. Never fabricate scenarios or stories – ultimately if you want a serious relationship the man must know and get to like the real you.

• Don’t hide facts like your age or whether you have children.

• It is best to show or prove not just state facts. Instead of saying “I am funny” show you are funny by weaving in a real-life incident or joke about an experience that is etched in your memory. This will give a glimpse of you and make your profile distinct from others.

• Write for the “audience” not for yourself. Never give too much or too little information.

• Never be superficial.

• Adjectives mean nothing, avoid them if you can ---words like nice, smart, kind, warm, loving, ambitious, go getter, family oriented are meaningless words.

• While speaking of interests try and include details. For example if you like hiking—then mention where all you have been and where you plan to or look forward to going. This gives more information than listing a long line of interests—biking, tennis, dogs, movies, and so on.

• Don’t use clichés in your profile; every other person is “cute/ cuddly/ tall/ looking for a friend/understanding companion,” make your profile simple, clear, and concise. Bragging is another “NO”—please do avoid subjective evaluations.

• Try and define yourself positively—let the profile show who/what you are. There is no point in repeatedly stating what you want or your future aspirations.

The profile is what creates a first impression, so write one that aims to be different and is appealing as well as honest. Remember this is what a man will read before deciding should I contact her or not.

The profile should give an insight to who you really are. A great profile will increase greatly your chances of linking up with the Mr. Right—a man who meets all your needs and is not just compatible in an analytical way but is a man who is genuine and wants to know more about you—get to know the real you.

We all know it is not a perfect world and even in online dating one can encounter undesirables. To protect yourself from unwanted problems:

- Do Not list your address.

- Do Not mention your phone number.

- Do Not give away where you love to go—a bar or coffee house or library that you frequent.

- Do Not enumerate any vital statistics.

- Do Not mention financial details.

- Do Not indicate where you work or shop.

- Do Not ever say where you work out.

Always keep your personal information private until you know a guy and are sure of his credentials.