What Makes Online Dating Different from Regular Dating?

Since the very beginning us humans have been choosing partners. Even so, the ways of going about choosing a mate is different according to your culture.

But the concept of finding a life partner with the help of the Internet is a fairly recent concept when compared with the history of mankind as such. Of course the Internet and computers have influenced man’s life so muchthat it is no surprise that in the matters of finding a suitable partner too, the Internet has made its presence felt.

Online dating is, to put is very simply or flatly, finding a partner with the help of a machine namely the computer via the Internet. That itself makes the idea and the process a very novel one indeed. Hundreds of happy people across the globe have been successful in finding suitable partners by the means of online dating.

But to be frank with you, a lot of not-so-lucky persons have been goofed and jilted by the same process. So in order to make sure that you find a place in the first list let us go into the details of Online dating.

Everything that applies to the Internet, applies to Online dating as well. The Internet as we know allows for unlimited possibilities in communication, and it is this feature that has proved to be at the same time the biggest boon, as well as bane for Online dating.

People can start from scratch and get to know everything about each other before the actual meeting takes place. Tastes and preferences, likes and dislikes, interests and obsessions can be discussed on a one to one basis so that when the meeting actually takes place these two people are not in the least strangers to each other. Wonderful, isn’t it?

But at the same time this possibility for unlimited communication leaves a lot of space for guile as well. The human race is endowed with a remarkable ability to use, misuse and abuse the same thing. And naturally, online dating too has been and is still being used for vile purposes.
The person who is misusing this facility may either be a practical joker or may be someone with more devious intentions who is out to get some victims. It is because of this reason that a little bit of homework is good before you actually hit the road.

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Finding the Man of Your Dreams

Doesn't every woman want the man of her dreams.? The fact is, you have to be practical when choosing your mate. If you’re looking for an absolute stud, with a big bank account and a 4-garage door mansion – you have to be sensible.

Learn about the art of giving and caring. Romance is not the superficial aspects of dating - flowers, gifts, romantic evenings, and wooing. It is about showing you care, small endearing gestures, deep understanding of even a glance, and a synchronization of minds as well as soul.

To be practical one must set goals/parameters Answer these questions:

“What kind of man do I want?”

"How do I perceive my future—do children play a role?”

“What does a relationship mean to me personally? Is it caring, friendship, passion, being physical or mental compatibility?”

What do you seek in a man? Is it, humor, loyalty, fairness, respect, warmth, intelligence, kindness, integrity, honesty, tenderness, pride, chivalry?

• What should the ideal man look like?

• Should he smoke and drink.

• What are 5 things I abhor in men?

• What are 5 things I find pleasing and attractive?
  

• Do I want a single man or will I accept one who has been in past relationships—divorced/widowed?

• What kind of profession should he be in?

Create a profile as a ready reference. Use this to compare profiles you read online with. Narrow down the choices. Be sure you know how to distinguish between Mr. Right and Mr. Wrong.

According to experts in dating:

• A man who drinks heavily, is loud and mannerless is definitely Mr. Wrong.

• A good man would be well mannered and considerate and limit his drinking. He would not brag about bar hopping, drinking buddies, or bouts. He would never drink and drive a date home.

• A less than perfect man is one who is selfish, self obsessed, spends all his time talking about himself, his work, personal experiences, how he is a stud -- a total braggart.

• A man who is serious about dating and wishes to further the meet will try and find out as much as he can about you. He will share important aspects of his life with you, and try and give insights into his likes/dislikes, hopes as well as aspirations.

• The wrong kind will flirt with other women while he sits with you, let his attention wander, speak about how he finds ‘x’ lovely or ‘y’ a turn on. He will brag about his conquests every chance he gets. Self-obsessed he will never think beyond himself.

• An ideal man will not flirt unless he knows you well, he will never pass lewd remakes, or make passes, or advertise his conquests.

• The wrong kind is flashy and will flaunt their money as well as wealth/position. If he is handsome and has a good physique he will be obsessed by it –constantly glance in mirrors, comb his locks, and wink at passers by and so on.

• A man who is just perfect will be interested in more than a physical relationship—he will try and understand what makes you tick and find out whether the two of you have any common grounds.

Watch out for men who:

• Lie to you.
• Pressure you to meet them immediately.
• Are persistent about finding out personal information but do not reveal anything about themselves.
• Do not give accurate information about their age, martial status, having children, profession and so on.
• Who do not want to speak on the phone.
• Become a nuisance and pester you to speed things up.

Try and strike a balance. However, do allow for a little flexibility. A man may not match all your requirements but even if he matches say 60% then you must try and get to know him better.

Broaden your base—this will offer you greater choice. But do not compromise on things like “no smoking”-- a man who has smoked and been independent for years together is not likely to give up his habits because you say so.

It is not tall, dark, and handsome you must look for its kindness, caring, and intelligence. Very often, if physical attributes receive more attention then what you are likely to get is a man looking for a fling and not willing to offer any commitments.

If you are clear in your mind “what you want” then everything else becomes relatively easy. Please have a realistic opinion of yourself—if you are approaching thirty and fighting the flab, have a sprinkling of grey hair you are not going to land a man who is dashing, drives a Ferrari, and looks like a Hollywood dream. Try and match what you are to the man ---seek compatibility.

Presenting - the REAL You!

You need to be able to show the "real you" to the online world. To do that, you must know yourself well…There should be no layers or hidden components. Wouldn’t you be upset if you read an online profile and met the individual who turned out to be very different from what their profile says? It happens all the time.

S0, if you are serious about dating and being successful you must desist from penning a fairy tale or living it. Fabricating incidents or stories is just not done. If you are really seeking to get close to a man then you will not be able to carry on living a lie however small forever.

Be honest with yourself—just as you are suspicious /wary of people so also men who are trying online dating. Contradictions are unnecessary and very negative. You will agree that “we are what we are” and cannot by using mere words turn into glamorous women or someone adventurous.

White lies and contradictions are guarantees of being dumped. Once a man realizes he cannot trust you he will steer clear. Not only that your reputation will spread like wildfire.

One thing that is crucial is that “we have to live with ourselves and be happy.” So, it is best to be with a man who accepts you for what you are and does not expect you to change. Never be afraid to say “I detest plays/or fancy clothes are not ME/ or I love balloon rides.”

Relationships only work when a man and woman live the life of two distinct individuals and yet share bonds, love, and common interests. There must be personal space and freedom in a relationship. Otherwise bitterness will creep in.

So, be yourself and seek a man who suits you best. He may not be drop dead handsome but may have a sense of humor, care about the little things in life, and appreciate you.

Sit down and ask yourself, “What am I seeking.” And, write down all that flows from your mind. Put the book away and after a day or two repeat the exercise -points that are common to both days are probably what are most important. Others will be the result of moods.

Take the time and make the effort of looking through profiles as well as experiences posted by other women. You will gain a fairly good idea of what works and what does not. I’m not suggesting that you copy someone else’s profile word for word, but you can get ideas of good phrases and the type of stuff they include.

Next, read through profiles posted by men and make a list of what appeals to you. Gain an understanding of what they’re looking for (apart from the obvious physical characteristics), and you will be able to include some aspects in your profile—be sure they pertain to who you are and not to an idea of you in your imagination. Don’t go over the top, though --if you say that you love sitting in front of the TV, watching all types of sport, whilst eating a ready meal with a few cans of beer, you’ll probably find a suitable man, but may not have a blissful life!

Avoid negativity or sounding doubtful---don’t start with “I’m surprised I’m doing this ….”, or “I’ve never done this before ….” You’re opening line is important, so don’t waste it on an excuse or an apology.

Be specific about your lifestyle and interests. Rather than listing hobbies give specific examples – I have trekked the Andes, or sailed through the keys, or put together a classic car in our garage with my brother. Specifics paint word pictures of the “true you.”

Don’t come across as a dreary, lonely woman. If your life is like that make an effort to change it by adopting some hobbies, going out with friends, traveling, and doing interesting things. Make a concerted effort to be a “new you.” Discover yourself—life is too short to be spent going to work and sitting at home.

Be positive, energetic, open minded, and a giver. Never be a doormat and allow people to push you around.

Make realistic goals. However don’t come across as pushy or seeking permanency like marriage. Allow a friendship/relationship to develop before thinking about marriage. Men are spooked at the thought of commitment and will turn tail and run like a trapped animal.

Do speak of past relationships but don’t let that be the most important aspect of your existence. Never compare the present to the past. Leave what is past behind, learn from it and move forward. Don’t make the mistake of comparing men—my ex husband loved steak, or my previous boyfriend was a great dancer is “ugly and sad.”

Let your story be a “happy one” be a woman who has savored life and is ready to share the joys.

Women - How to Make Your Profile Appealing

The key towards reaching success in online dating is to create an appealing profile. Your profile informs any dating prospects of your characteristics, what you’re looking for and what kinds of individual you are. Basic information includes: Appearance, interests, age, profession, hobbies, likes, dislikes, etc…This helps your online prospects make out your compatibility with each other. But remember, what really matters is your personal profile – it’s what sets you apart from a zillion others. You must take advantage of this and highlight the key elements of yourself.

List all of your passions, likes and dislikes in an interesting way. Give your readers an idea what you’re seeking, without making it sound too straight-forward. And before posting your profile, make sure to review your profile and get a friend or relative to read through it and get their honest opinion.

Most sites will ask for details of age, height, ethnicity, religion, eye color, hair color, occupation, education, smoking preference, favorite hobbies, a description of your personality, what you are looking for in a man, whether you are seeking a casual relationship, a friendship, a short-term fling, long term romance, or marriage, what is important to you in a man, your value system, beliefs, specific affiliations and more.

To be successful in love, the profile must present you in the best light and give would be suitors a glimpse or inkling of what makes you tick and how to win you over. Write as though you are in a conversation with someone. Imagine sitting across a table and telling a dashing, handsome man all about yourself.

A profile is generally of 200-250 words. Write around 150- 200 words about yourself and around 50-100 words can be devoted to describing the kind of person you are looking for.

Remember to Include:

Personal details - Where you live, whether you are open to changing your place of residence, where you have traveled and so on.

Discuss your profession – Career history as well as future plans.

Speak about past experiences and relationships. Talk about children if you have them. Be sure to mention whether you are hoping to have children or do not want any.

Tell the truth - In case you have any serious health problem be sure to write about it. People rarely like surprises.

Your personal background - One should also mention any religious or political affiliations that you may have.

The type of relationship you’d like - Mention what kind of relationship you are looking for—long term or short term.

Other important tips:

• Be honest and truthful. Never fabricate scenarios or stories – ultimately if you want a serious relationship the man must know and get to like the real you.

• Don’t hide facts like your age or whether you have children.

• It is best to show or prove not just state facts. Instead of saying “I am funny” show you are funny by weaving in a real-life incident or joke about an experience that is etched in your memory. This will give a glimpse of you and make your profile distinct from others.

• Write for the “audience” not for yourself. Never give too much or too little information.

• Never be superficial.

• Adjectives mean nothing, avoid them if you can ---words like nice, smart, kind, warm, loving, ambitious, go getter, family oriented are meaningless words.

• While speaking of interests try and include details. For example if you like hiking—then mention where all you have been and where you plan to or look forward to going. This gives more information than listing a long line of interests—biking, tennis, dogs, movies, and so on.

• Don’t use clichés in your profile; every other person is “cute/ cuddly/ tall/ looking for a friend/understanding companion,” make your profile simple, clear, and concise. Bragging is another “NO”—please do avoid subjective evaluations.

• Try and define yourself positively—let the profile show who/what you are. There is no point in repeatedly stating what you want or your future aspirations.

The profile is what creates a first impression, so write one that aims to be different and is appealing as well as honest. Remember this is what a man will read before deciding should I contact her or not.

The profile should give an insight to who you really are. A great profile will increase greatly your chances of linking up with the Mr. Right—a man who meets all your needs and is not just compatible in an analytical way but is a man who is genuine and wants to know more about you—get to know the real you.

We all know it is not a perfect world and even in online dating one can encounter undesirables. To protect yourself from unwanted problems:

- Do Not list your address.

- Do Not mention your phone number.

- Do Not give away where you love to go—a bar or coffee house or library that you frequent.

- Do Not enumerate any vital statistics.

- Do Not mention financial details.

- Do Not indicate where you work or shop.

- Do Not ever say where you work out.

Always keep your personal information private until you know a guy and are sure of his credentials.

Create an Attention Getting Headline

What draws the eye of potential suitors online? The headline.It is important for you to learn how to create a headline that will not only be eye-catching, but interest potential prospects.

Personal headlines on most sites can be of 100 characters. A poor headline can negate a good username. It is the headline that gives a first impression. A personal headline should not indicate that you are a bore, selfish, a fool, or scatterbrain. If the headline is repulsive or boring, rest assured, you will not get many queries.

A personal headline often determines the kind of person you want to meet. If you are seeking a serious relationship then your headline must not indicate “seeking fun and frolic.”

Avoid done to death phrases as well as cute ones. Adventurous, unique, and wonderful are all cliché.

The secret is to incorporate a little about yourself or to be creative and clever. Commonly coined ones are:

• “I am a Lady.”
• “Ask me if you can.”
• “Life can be a path of roses.”
• “Poet.”
• “Sailing Smooth.”
• “Polite, serious, and creative.”

The headline is the most important tool of an online profile—pay attention to coining it.

• Let it lead men into your profile. It should tease and intrigue.
• Avoid negativity ---refrain from using words like “no.”
• Incorporate word play—be creative and quick.
• Snappy headlines attract attention.

A headline should grab attention—it should be succinct and dead on—summing up what you are about. It should invite –tweak their curiosity to read your profile. Use word play—internal rhyme or a pun.

Examples:

“Let’s race the wind!”

“Looking for sparing partner!”

“Package deal—me, kids, pets!”

“Geek by day, poet by night!”

“Explore the world with me!”

“Walk to the beat of a new drummer!”

“Want to play doubles!”

“First date in a dozen years!”

“Think Advertising…”

Remember how the catchy phrases create imagery. The concept is similar here you are the product to be marketed. Just as “rich and creamy” conjures up images of swirls of ice cream, so also the headline should bring forth an image of an attractive, friendly woman.

As far as dating sites are concerned the most prominent things after the “photo” is the headline. Studies indicate men have a tendency to make snap judgments, so the headline should project a positive image of you.

Negativity must be avoided, never include words like lonely, companion, seeking comfort, rich and handsome. Avoidable are impressions of your being glamorous, seeking a life of leisure, or being high maintenance.

Keys are: Originality, uniqueness, be concise, positivity, fresh and candid…

Originality, candidness, humour, and freshness are welcome. The secret is in being attractive as well as mysterious. Men love challenges.